When Words Don't Come Easy
When Words Don't Come Easy
Navigating Life's Struggles: A Journey from Depression to Hope
Have you ever wondered how struggles, trials, and tribulations can shape your life in unexpected ways? In today's episode, we explore this thought-provoking question by discussing my own personal journey of transformation. From battling depression, financial struggles, and weight issues, to losing loved ones, I unravel the darkest chapters of my life in hopes of illuminating your path.
Join me as we discover how life's challenges can become stepping stones to your purpose. I share my journey from despair to triumph, overcoming depression, financial hardship, and finding hope in the midst of adversity. You're not alone; there's beauty in the broken."
God has been so faithful, even in the darkest of times. His power to transform our seemingly hopeless situations into something amazing is awe-inspiring. Let's embark on this journey of finding hope in the most unlikely of places together.
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Buy the book on Amazon: www.amazon.com/When-Words-Dont-Come-Easy/dp/1955362084
Listen to the first chapter: soundcloud.com/andy-howard-788712319
Learn more at AndyHoward.com!
What's up everybody? I'm going to spend the next few minutes just sharing about the very things in my life that I believe were meant to take me out and not only take me out, but I think there are some things that may be meant to take you out as well. And the very things that almost broke me are the very things that propelled me in life. It is no joke, the very things that were being used against me. God took the exact same thing. He didn't bring something from left field. He said you already got it. Let's use that thing that's against you and let's use it for you. And I just want to share those stories so that they can be hopeful for you. So stick around to the end as well, because I have a request for some people who might be hurting, and I know that God's going to lay them on your heart. So stick around to the end so that you can hear what my request is. But thank you so much. All this and more is happening right after this. Welcome back to the when Words Don't Come Easy podcast. My name is Andy Howard and I am so excited. I am so glad you're here. If this is your first time, welcome.
Speaker 1:I remember several times in my life when I was looking for a podcast just like this, and what I mean by that. This is a podcast about hope, no matter who's on, if I'm interviewing somebody, or if it's just something that I'm sharing from the book or something God's laid on my heart. This podcast will be used as a tool to push people to hope, because there were so many times in my life where I remember being in a very dark place and you may not be in a dark place, maybe you're just having a bad day, or you're in a funk, or some dear friend has just sent this to you because you were on their heart. This will be a podcast of hope, and there were many times in my life when I was in a dark place where I would have loved to have a podcast like this, and so I hope it'll be a blessing to you. That's my prayer, that's the reason I do this that it will be a blessing to you and that it will help you to keep fighting and keep going For me.
Speaker 1:I don't claim to be the expert by any means on mental health. I'm just a dude in the trenches just like you, trying to put one foot in front of the other. I survived. I say that proudly. I survived depression and I say that because there was a time where I didn't want to live.
Speaker 1:But today God is using me and I couldn't see, I couldn't see all the things that were ahead of me. Back then I couldn't see this. Back then I couldn't see the life that I would have today. Back then I couldn't see tomorrow. Back then I was just at a place where, where I was just focused on all the negative things around me and all the broken things around me and I couldn't see the beauty in the broken. And God has restored that in my heart and now I'm able to help others with my story and I pray it'll be a blessing to you so that you can help others with yours. But today we're just gonna spend a few minutes here. I probably won't be as long as other podcasts have been in the past, but I wanted to talk just about that, about the beauty of the broken.
Speaker 1:And there's been so many times in my life that the very thing this is wild, the very thing that almost killed me is what God is using for his glory. Man, isn't that so cool? The very thing that almost took me out is what God has turned around and what was meant for harm he's turned for good, just like his scripture say, just like his word says. I can think of so many areas, but for one, I was 345 pounds. At one time in my life. I was so sick, so sick man. I would spend more time driving around the parking lot than I would in the grocery store trying to find that good parking spot that was up close, because I did not wanna walk. And if I didn't find that good spot, I had to walk that far in. I was out of breath by the time I even got in the store. Not kidding, I was always looking for shortcuts, did not want to take the stairs by any means. I would take the elevator, I would wait in line for the elevator. All the things man. And now God is using us. Isn't that funny? He is using us to reach thousands of people's lives through our ministry. We call it through our health, helping others find health. God is so faithful man. He is so faithful. And if you had told me way back then that, hey, man, god is gonna use you in your 345 pound cell with so many just diseases, dis-eases, so many uneasy areas of my life. He's gonna use that to help others. So crazy. I don't even believe it. I still don't believe it. But along with that we were so broke financially. We were so hurting financially. There's always been so many times in our life where we wanted to help others, where we were somebody whether it was angels, you know, around Christmas time when people will put the angels on the tree and you can help adopt a family. I remember so many hard times in our life. I remember one in particular and I talk about this in the book and it's just probably it plays a role in all of it where I was feeling like a failure or the whole part of my depression that we had already had patent.
Speaker 1:At this point, ms Jeannie, that's Tiffany's mom, had moved in with us and we thought it was a win-win situation. She had moved in with us because she had lost Tiffany's dad, her husband Gary Underwood. He had died of brain cancer, so he's gone. She's grieving him, she moves in and we move into a brand new house together. It seemed like a win-win situation. She's going through some depression herself, grieving the loss of her husband. We needed help with Peyton as well. We needed help with the finances. She was able to help us with the house, so we could kind of split it half and half, havzies, if you will Win-win for everybody. Until one morning we found that she had had a heart attack and passed away in the middle of the night.
Speaker 1:Besides all the grieving and I want you to hear me, it still to this day hurts Tiffany, because Tiffany found her mom in the guest bathroom getting ready for work. She found her. There was nothing she could do, she had already passed away. She found her. And not only that, the grieving of finding your own mom, the heartache, the stress, I mean, think about that. That's enough. But after that, now, all of a sudden, the house payment was a Havzies is now the whole thing we inherited.
Speaker 1:And then we inherited a brand new car which was her mom's and we didn't have the money for it. But what do you do? Right, this was the last thing, that of her mom's. I mean, there were so many little notes in there, those sticky notes. There was the scent of her mom was in there, so many little hidden things in the glove box that just reminded Tiffany so much of her mom and she loved that car so much and I would never forget I getting one night, getting a loud bang on the door and there's the repo me.
Speaker 1:It was there and there was absolutely nothing I could do. There's two of them. I'm not a fighter, anyways, I'm a lover. I'm kidding, I've never been the fighting type. You won't have to worry about me getting in a fight with you if you're wondering. But even still, there was absolutely nothing we could do. They already had the car and he did stop to tell me that they were taking it. So that was, I guess, courteous of him. But I could already see it on the back of their tow truck and they were leaving and he left a card and said here you go, this is where it will be. And it was just ridiculous. Just all the heartache and hurt and I remember to beating, beating my chest with her fists. And you cannot let them take this car. There was nothing I could do about it and I hate it as a man, as a husband, and then you start getting beat up as like weren't you supposed to be a provider and all the things it was.
Speaker 1:It was hard and I don't want a Pity party or anything like that. I'm just trying to tell you how bad it was, there was more bills than Paycheck, and it wasn't that we didn't work hard, we just didn't have the right vehicle. We would just Burn the candle at both ends, literally trying to work whatever jobs were available. I'm trying to stay in our calling as youth pastors, trying to do that as well and Just working at all the hours of the week trying to make enough money, but it just wasn't enough. But even that the very thing that almost killed us. Now we are helping so many others find freedom In their finances and it takes. It's not that we're doing, we're teaching them the skills that we learned and then they work hard and God is blessing their hard work and it's just so cool being on the other end of that right.
Speaker 1:So this is two of the areas With my depression as well. I already told you you know I mentioned this in past episodes as well but I never had a plan for Suicide per se, but I didn't want to live. I Didn't want to live anymore. I was praying God just take me home from all the things with with Peyton's diagnosis, to all the stressors of Losing you know, her mom and her dad, later losing my dad just so many, so many things that happened and just a lot of heartache and a lot of why, me prayers, and I was hurting. I was so broken and in the time when I should have been at my happiest, we went on vacation and all I could see was all the things Peyton couldn't do. I couldn't see all the things that she was doing or could do, all the joys and all the potential for her story to reach Millions, because that's something I prayed every day for, her Lord and let her story reach millions, and I couldn't see it. I couldn't say how are you gonna do it? She, nothing was happening. It's like God didn't even hear me anymore and my depression got worse and worse and worse. But he's so faithful, you guys, he's been so faithful to us.
Speaker 1:I'll never forget the short version of this and I've mentioned it on other episodes, but you can go back and listen, or it's in the book as well if you want to hear the whole story, but the short version. I was walking along the beach and I heard him whisper to me there is beauty in the broken. There is beauty in the broken. It was at that moment like this this damn love, depression began to burst and this overwhelming peace and joy just began to fill my life, and the very thing that almost killed me. Now I'm helping others find freedom in their depression or their mental health or all the things of struggles that they may be continuing with. So, while so, we talked about depression, we talked about finances, and we talked what did we talk about in the beginning? Totally drawing a blank Depression, finances, and oh in health, all the things that I've been doing, finances and oh, in health, all the things that almost killed me. When God has turned around, I Just want you to know there is hope for you.
Speaker 1:Today, in fact, there's this, this piece of Japanese art. It's called kids kintsugi. I believe if I'm saying that right, I don't have my power point with me, my slides that I usually use when I'm speaking, but I believe it's called kintsugi and it's what it's like any kind of ceramic or broken, like pottery or bowls or Whatever that they'll take these broken pieces and then they will end up by using melted gold, hot gold, and reform them and shape them and put them back together again. And what happens? What's really cool about this piece is, when it's done, it is stronger than it was before. It's actually more valuable than it was before.
Speaker 1:So what you need to know is Whatever, whatever it is in your life that is almost broke. You Maybe you're here today and it's Somebody shared this podcast with you, or you stumbled on it or whatever reason. I don't. I don't care how you got here, I, but something I've said is just struck an air with you and you feel broken. In fact, you're weeping. You're so, you're so hurt right now. I've been there, I have been there. I care for you. I'm here to tell you you're going to get put back together again and there's there's hope for you. There's so much hope for you to keep going forward. Don't give up, don't quit, because the enemy who's going up against us in this spiritual warfare, this game of tug of war that's going on for for your soul, for your life, trying to break you? You would love nothing more than for you to quit and lose out on all the hope that God's laid before your life and the very things that have almost broken you could be the very things that God wants to use you to help others with, and I believe he can do that, but you have to be willing to step out first.
Speaker 1:I love the story. I love the story of the story of Peter walking on the water right, and this is the short version as well. But they see Jesus and they're like is that Jesus? I don't know. And Peter's like if that's you, lord, tell me to come out and I will come. I mean, like I don't know, even if I love his faith. But even if you, if you don't know who it is, are you really going to trust them If you don't know who it is and it's like a bad guy trying to get you to sink? Nevermind, that's, that's just how I think. I think a little warps sometimes, but forgive me, but he sees Jesus. He says is that you Lord? If it is, tell me to come and I'll come. And sure enough, he's like it's me, come on, peter. And Peter, and it's what's so cool about this? People give Peter a hard time, right?
Speaker 1:Peter's the dude that blows up on a lot of people. He's the dude that cuts cuts the soldier's ears off. He's the one that denies Christ three times. Even after being warned that he's going to going to do it, he still does it. Peter gets, he has a hard time. And I wrote man. He reminds me so much of myself. He reminds me so much of me, he reminds me so much of me that I have I have the gifting of, of screwing up the most simplest tasks sometimes.
Speaker 1:But here it is and Peter is asked hey, peter, is I come see me? Here I am, come on. And here's what the dude does, cause I didn't see any other disciples volunteer or jump up. Peter doesn't dude, he walks on water. It's in the word. It says it. Right, he takes a step, he's walking on water, he's looking at Jesus, he's walking on water. But what happens? It says in the word that he begins to take his eyes off of Jesus and he puts his eyes on the storm. He starts to see the winds and the waves around him and it's at that moment he begins to sink, he begins to fall. But Jesus got him, he had him the whole time. He grabbed, he reached out, he picked him up. He's got you. He didn't tell him hey, oh, you little faith. It gave him a little scolding, but he still had in the whole time he said I got you, he's got you. Here's the thing.
Speaker 1:It's easy sometimes to lose vision of God, of Jesus. It's easy to set our eyes on the, the winds and the waves that are around us. But our hope comes from Jesus. Our hope comes into him, and I promise you he didn't bring you this far to let you drill down. He's got you because he cares about you. He cares about you just like that broken ceramic pot or whatever it is. He's going to piece you back together, one piece at a time. You're going to come back stronger and more valuable than you were before the storm. He cares for you. He's got a plan for you. And how do I know this? Because our enemy that's out to get us would not try so hard, it would not be trying so hard to mess you up if you didn't have a big plan ahead for you. So don't quit. Hang in there with me, with you.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for joining today. If this has been a blessing for you, please, please, share this to someone who got his late on your heart. Stay tuned for this. Hey, I hope that's been a blessing for you. Do me a favor, just like I mentioned earlier, if God laid someone on your heart while you were listening to this episode, wait for this particular podcast to them.
Speaker 1:I really feel like, especially in this day and age we're living in, that sometimes people are gasping at their last straws. They're like holding on for a breath of fresh air. This could be it. Something I've said, I don't know I prayed, something I said would be a blessing to them, would be encouraging to them to help them keep fighting, to keep going on. Be that hope to just get to that next step, that flashlight of hope to be able to guide the next step for you. Maybe it doesn't line up everything, the whole path, maybe you don't see the whole picture, the whole puzzle, but that next piece comes in line Enough for you to say, okay, I made it here, now what? And you will have that same faith to keep going step by step with the Lord.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in and please pass this on to someone who it can be a blessing to, if it has been a blessing to you. Please, please, please, leave a five-star review for this podcast and even for the book on Amazon. That will help more readers and more listeners find when words don't come easy and that's our whole goal is to help people. So will you do that? Do me a favor, and then, if you're, also, if you would like for me to read the book for you, you can get it from Audible. I will read the story for you as well, and then it's available on Kindle. If you would like to know where I'm going to be out over the next few weeks, please, or if you're interested in booking me for for a service, I would be so honored to come and speak and share hope to your people. You can find that at AndyHowardcom, and all the stuff about the book is there as well. Thank you, guys, so much. We'll talk to you next time, god bless.