Have you ever wondered how therapy can transform lives, especially when it comes to mental health and faith?
Join us as we dive deep into this topic with our guest, Heidi Mortenson, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified Daring Way facilitator.
Together, we explore the importance of therapy, the stigma around seeking counseling, and how Jesus is the ultimate therapist.
We talk through personal stories of how therapy played a crucial role in overcoming depression and discuss the challenges that many people face when seeking help, particularly within the Christian community. We chat about practical tips on finding the right therapist for you and the importance of committing to the process even when it's difficult.
You'll also learn about the power of authentic encouragement and the importance of knowing who you are in Christ when lifting others up. Heidi shares her insights on how encouragement should be tailored to each individual and why focusing on the positives instead of the negatives is crucial.
Don't miss this enlightening conversation that will challenge your views on therapy, mental health, and the role of faith in our healing journey!
Learn more about Heidi at heidimortensonlmft.com.
Follow on Instagram & Facebook: @AndyBHoward
Buy the book on Amazon: www.amazon.com/When-Words-Dont-Come-Easy/dp/1955362084
Listen to the first chapter: soundcloud.com/andy-howard-788712319
Learn more at AndyHoward.com!
Have you ever wondered how therapy can transform lives, especially when it comes to mental health and faith?
Join us as we dive deep into this topic with our guest, Heidi Mortenson, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified Daring Way facilitator.
Together, we explore the importance of therapy, the stigma around seeking counseling, and how Jesus is the ultimate therapist.
We talk through personal stories of how therapy played a crucial role in overcoming depression and discuss the challenges that many people face when seeking help, particularly within the Christian community. We chat about practical tips on finding the right therapist for you and the importance of committing to the process even when it's difficult.
You'll also learn about the power of authentic encouragement and the importance of knowing who you are in Christ when lifting others up. Heidi shares her insights on how encouragement should be tailored to each individual and why focusing on the positives instead of the negatives is crucial.
Don't miss this enlightening conversation that will challenge your views on therapy, mental health, and the role of faith in our healing journey!
Learn more about Heidi at heidimortensonlmft.com.
Follow on Instagram & Facebook: @AndyBHoward
Buy the book on Amazon: www.amazon.com/When-Words-Dont-Come-Easy/dp/1955362084
Listen to the first chapter: soundcloud.com/andy-howard-788712319
Learn more at AndyHoward.com!
What's up everybody. You are in for a treat today. We have an amazing special guest today. She is an LMFT licensed marriage and family therapist, and therapy was so important for me in my role of getting breakthrough through depression. I honestly don't know where I would have been if I had not fought through those kind of cringy nerves of do I really want to spill my guts to someone I don't even know. I had all these images, all these things of what I thought therapy was, and I was ignorant to what therapy is, and so I would encourage you to find a godly, wise counselor or therapist who you connect with, who you are willing to help you, who has the same mission of helping you in the same goal of seeing breakthrough in your life. Don't be afraid to try, more than one if needed. Today you are in for a treat because Heidi Mortensen is going to join us. She is going to share some spiritual truths straight from the word that explains what therapy is and what counseling is, and what Jesus thinks about therapy. All that and more happens right after this.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to the WinWords Don't Come Easy podcast. I am Andy Howard. I am so excited for today Those who have read the book. You know or you've heard my story and you know how important I talk about therapy, how important it is for you. It was new to me at the time, but it is something that I value today and it has helped me so much With me. And before I get too excited, i do want to read her bio so that you can have a little bit of a background on who Heidi Mortensen is. But I'm so excited to have you, heidi. Let me just go ahead and introduce you first and then I want to set them up on who Heidi is. But how are you doing today, heidi?
Speaker 2:I'm doing great. I'm so excited to be here and happy to be interviewing with you.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you so much for doing this, and I did have the honor of being on your podcast a few weeks ago, and so just even that time period was so good. I was like, oh, you got to come share this. Yeah, mine, and so thank you for returning the favor. But I do want to tell people who you are.
Speaker 1:Heidi is a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified daring way facilitator. She provides mental health counseling with individuals, families, teams and couples and owns a business in Minnesota called Bridging Hope Counseling. She is also the host of the podcast Strong Tower Mental Health and is the author of the book The Brave Encourager. She is passionate about people seeing the gold they have inside themselves and others. Her and her husband, tim, live in Blaine with their three children, and that is so cool. I love your bio and I love that part about helping others find the gold they have inside them So cool. So tell us a little bit more about yourself. How did you get into therapy? Was it something you wanted to do all your life, and what led you to this?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So it actually wasn't something that I wanted to do all my life. When I went to undergraduate school I was a business student and super excited to take all these business classes and I took a general that was in the psychology of marriage and family, so it was just a general in it, but he was one of those professors that really gets you thinking. You know how you have some of those really good professors and they don't just tell you what to think, they get you to think, so that you're really thinking on your own. And he really got my curiosity going about like what makes the world go round.
Speaker 2:And I remember I had a moment in the hallway where I was thinking about like families and that like being in a happy family and feeling joyful with your family was really what makes the world go round. Like it doesn't matter if you don't have loved ones with you when you have all the money in the world, but you really need happy families. And I was like maybe I need to look into this. And then I thought I would be a different kind of counselor, because I'm not just you know, i'm not saying that. You know other counselors are just white walls and wanting to diagnose. But I just understand, you know business. I grew up on a farm and you know I'm kind of get that like well, we don't always want to go to counseling and so I kind of got that understanding of it's not like the first thing that we want to go do and sit and talk about ourselves all the time and sit and talk about our feelings, and you know, it's not something that we race to do.
Speaker 2:So I knew that I would be a different kind of counselor and that the Lord could use that. So then I pursued, you know, masters, and did all the things while also pursuing my you know, finishing my degree in business as well. So that's how it came about.
Speaker 1:Well, that is awesome and I love that and you're exactly right For me. My wife was the one who encouraged me to to finally seek counseling and I'm so grateful for it. It turned out so good, but for the longest I just had this ideal and I don't want this to come across the fence. So this is just what I thought was that you just I'd seen what I only knew, what I knew right, and so I've seen the TV or movies, how you lay on a couch leather couch images for introvert. I sounded like a nightmare to me, especially talking about yourself opening up about yourself.
Speaker 1:So will you explain? maybe? why is that such a big deal for us or what is it you think that keeps people? because what I learned when I went to college which I kind of a long story when I went back to college after I got Peyton's diagnosis and I thought I wasn't going to be able to be a youth pastor anymore, it was just so much going on in my head. Yeah, i thought about oh, i love kids, i love coaching, i love sports, so I thought I'd be a coach. So one of those classes was introduction to psychology and I met a therapist there that was teaching that class and she said all the cool people that she knows in her life are trying to make themselves better. And that's when it finally clicked. There's nothing wrong like if you had a broken arm you'd go see a doctor, or if you had a bruise or anything like that. So what do you, from from your point of view, what do you see as the hold up or the hang up that people are just nervous or just scared to seek counseling?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, i think it's different with Christians and non-Christians. So I wanted to kind of answer it first, like in general, and then I'd love to kind of answer it where I think there's an issue with Christians. I think some of it is just like the stigma around there's something wrong with me if I'm going to a counselor, like kind of believing the lie, that if I actually go see someone, that means that there's something flawed and I don't want to, i don't want to admit that, i don't want to look at myself, i don't want to look at the things that are wrong with me Instead of seeing it as like I actually will improve, like you said, like you can actually improve from going to therapy. Um, so I think the the stigma is that there I don't want to have something wrong with me. I don't want, um, somebody tell me something worse that I, you know, i wasn't thinking that there was something wrong with me and now there is, and now it's worse, and now I have all this trauma that I didn't think I had in it. So sometimes it's like I would just rather not go and deal with that and just be happy with my life right now, like my life is fine, why do I need to go do that? And so it just kind of.
Speaker 2:You know, there's a stigma around it, um, and I think in the in with Christians, um, there's many different camps, but some believe that, like, psychology is of the devil and that we shouldn't open this up and that we only need to go to the word of God. And if we actually go to a self-help book, if we go to somebody else, and that's inviting the devil in, and it's an open door to the enemy, and so there's some Christians that believe that. So that's, that's some. And then this is actually what I would say my current belief is, and this is actually what I think is some of the most significant issue and why we're actually in the struggle that we're at right now, is that we don't really utilize the Bible to actually teach us how to heal ourselves, which is what counseling is, and so, really, we need to be taking the Bible and bringing in our mental health with the Lord, and so, and and I think the biggest issue actually comes from leaders I think there's pastors that are not doing this, and so when you have a leader, and you have a pastor who is not talking about their emotions, their mental health, and bringing in what the word of the Lord says about their mental health.
Speaker 2:That trickles down to their whole congregation, all the people that read their books and listen to them, and so it doesn't give them permission to go bring their emotions to the Lord, bring their stuff to the Lord and learn how to be a son or daughter. I mean, really, mental health is just being a son or daughter and saying God, i'm struggling and you go to God, and then he then helps us, he's our comforter, instead of always going to all the things and numbing ourselves with stuff. And so I I think that there's a significant issue with leaders in the church not actually bringing this up, so it gives people in the congregation permission to say, oh, if he's doing it or she's doing it, i can do it too.
Speaker 1:That's good. I, i, i remember as a youth pastor when, when I was struggling, the height of my depression and I, it was never passed down. I can honestly say that our pastor never told us this. It's just something that and I don't know if I created it myself or the enemy created it in my. but you're a leader, you're a pastor. What will people think if you're going to counseling and just all the things? and it was just a battle, a spiritual battle. You touched on it a little bit with your last answer. but what does Jesus think about therapy?
Speaker 2:Yeah, So Jesus is therapy, like he is our therapist. I did an interview with Tim Ross last summer and the title of the podcast was called God is a therapist, and he literally pulls in from Genesis how God is our therapist. And right at the beginning he's saying where are you, you know, and he's asking these questions with our therapist questions, and that's literally what the Lord is doing. He's asking us to identify the things that he already knows about us, but he's wanting us to know those things about us, and so God is the one who's actually revealing those things at us that need to be taken away, like in John 15, we take away the dead branches, he prunes us, and so that's what God does. He's actually our therapist and we need to let him be our therapist.
Speaker 2:And so often we just oh, i got it. We try to be in control and I'm good and I would say a lot of it's pride, a lot of it can be trauma and just you know, not really, and I think some of it's just an understanding, just really understanding how the word of God works and how God is, and knowing the power of how he works. But that's my answer, with what he thinks.
Speaker 1:Well, I love that. It is so true. We are in control. Maybe a part of it as well. We love to be in control and it's just easier, like if I have my security and, like you mentioned, maybe there's a fear of what may be dug up from your past or some trauma that you've been pressing down, and it's just easier to keep battling with all this heavy load that you're in your mind. You feel that it's just easier to carry my own stuff than asking for help And it is good, and when you think about it that way, that he already knows all this.
Speaker 1:So there's nothing, i don't know why. And again, there's a spiritual attack from the enemy side of things that causes confusion because he's a liar. He always speaks his lies, but when you think you're afraid of something being unveiled or afraid of being open, when he knows you more than anyone knows you yourself. So there shouldn't be a fear in that part. But we are, we're human and we fall for things. You wrote a book. I talked about that in the introduction there, your bio Tell us about that.
Speaker 1:It's called. Let me find it again the brave encourager. I would love to hear about that. Can you tell?
Speaker 2:us a little more about that. Yeah, sure. So in my experience of being a therapist and just you know human of who I am, i realized that we really struggle with encouragement, and I think we think we're encouraging and we think that we're helping other people, but we're often actually criticizing them and pointing out things that they're not doing right Or that they need to improve, and things that we think that they should do. And so I wrote the book, really one kind of for myself, because I saw myself as an encourager, but I wasn't always doing it right, like I was screwing it up myself, but something like the Lord was showing me, though, that my heart was good. So I was like, okay, god, my heart is good, but I'm speaking out shrapnel, help me with this. And so the book really is about encouragement.
Speaker 2:So what is encouragement? How to encourage? But I actually talk about how to do it authentically, and I talk about, like, the point of really knowing who you are in Christ and being able to kind of be authentic yourself, so that it comes from this natural place, instead of like forcing it and trying to, like you know, shovel it in somebody's face, and that it really when you know who you are and you love who you are and you're encouraging to yourself. It just flows So you're able to be yourself to other people. You're not doing it. You know like somebody else. You know like you might have a you know a disgruntled uncle. That's like you know this really tough guy that gives you the most beautiful encouraging word, but he does it in the way that he does it and it's his personality, and so encouragement is not something where it fits in a box. It's basically you just being Jesus to other people and pulling the gold. I think we often point out the dirt that we see instead of actually pulling the gold. So I want to give you an example of this.
Speaker 2:So I remember when I was younger watching I love sports as well And I would my brothers wrestled, and I remember watching this dad just get on the ground and he was just like going at it, yelling at a son, and he was so intense that he was almost on the mat watching a son, and I feel like the Lord showed me like he loves his son. He loves his son so much that he's so intense that he's on the mat, but he is not doing it in the way that I want him to. Because this son is not like, oh my gosh, my dad is like all over me, he's not letting me breathe, he's not letting me actually do what I really feel that I can do And he's not even giving me space to like believe in myself and make mistakes. And this is often what parents will do. Is we just crowd our children And it's like we got to let them breathe and trust that God is working in them. And so that kind of gave me some vision into how we get encouragement wrong.
Speaker 2:Because that dad believes he's encouraging his son Come on, you got it, go harder. Whatever he's yelling at him, he believes that's encouragement. And so that's where I kind of talk about that. Even like the grandma who has like 20 grandchildren and all these children and her way of encouragement is no, are you sure that you should be doing that? You know that you're going to get hurt if you do that. I don't think that you should do that. You know there's a lot of dangerous people in Nashville or whatever it is that. And it's all this like worry and concern. And she believes, because her heart is good and she loves all these family members, that she's encouraging. But that is the opposite of what's happening. It's not encouragement.
Speaker 1:And that is good, and just even as you're saying that, i've had so many flashbacks coming. Parenting is so hard. They don't give me the manual, they are the things that it looks like before I had kids and even watching other parents and I would say, well, i will never do that or whatever. That's the famous last words, right? And just even that. As you're talking about encouraging, i see so many things And as a daddy, i love my girls. I got three girls, so all three beautiful girls. I love them so much.
Speaker 1:And so when I see things as encouragement, so almost like the five love languages, i'm doing what I feel like is helping them. But if they're, if I'm not speaking their language, if they're not receiving it, that way they may hear it. Maybe it's my tone, or maybe it's just a way I'm saying it Or what I'm saying, like you were pointing out, like the dad or the grandma just throwing in worry or whatever. They're not receiving the encouragement as encouragement. So there's just so much to learn from that. That was so good. Well, we have a few more minutes left here, but is there just anything that's just pressing on your heart that you would like to share with us that would bring hope or encouragement or just something you want to say today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i think I'd love to share kind of some of the things that I feel that I've learned by stepping into just really understanding the church more, with mental health, and I just think it's an important topic to talk about and something that we can kind of get wrong. So my testimony actually doesn't start with being this on fire, christian and you know I didn't have a podcast and I didn't have a book And I learned by going through difficulties myself was that I had it wrong And I was this lukewarm Christian that had a cross on my neck And I thought I was like this good person and love Jesus, but I really didn't know God in the way that he actually intends. And when I, when I really started finding out more about how God works, the Bible came alive to me. All these things I started diving into. What was I doing wrong? Like what did I get wrong as a therapist that I like miss this myself because I'm a therapist, like I should. Why was I in that place? And that's why I was asking God. I was like God I shouldn't be in this place And I like got on my knees and I surrendered to him And he started showing me things that are in the Bible, like he's our deliverer, and there's many different like inner healing techniques that use Matthew 1128, which has come to me all who are weary and heavy burden, and I will give you rest for your souls Like how do we go to him as a little kid to get rest for our emotions? And he started showing me all these ways that we get it wrong And what he wants us to do. And then I was like, ok. Then why are we? OK, you're showing me this. What's wrong? Why is this happening? And I'm like, ok.
Speaker 2:Then I learned about all these different fields of faith. You know, there's charismatic and there's Lutheran and there's Catholic, and there's all these different beliefs And some of them are like, well, we don't believe that. You know, christians can have a demon and we don't believe this. And there's all these different beliefs And I'm like, well, what does? what does God say? And like, what's the fruit? And so what I've really found is that what the word of God says is that Jesus is the God. Jesus is our deliverer, and it says it in the Lord's prayer. You know deliver us from evil, like he, literally. That's when the disciples say how should we pray? That was in the Lord's prayer of how we should pray, and he is our deliverer, but it doesn't always look like dramatic casting out demons. Sometimes it's just him comforting us as we go to him and cry and allow him to comfort us. But we have to let him do that.
Speaker 2:So often we try to stay in control and we try to like put on this like beautiful face and or tough face, and we're not really knowing how to be a son or daughter and where this comes from our wounds, from our childhood. It comes from attachment. So when we have attachment issues with our mom and our dad or other figures, then we struggle to attach to God. So this is why we have to learn how to, you know, go to the Lord so that we can heal from different wounds. So, for example, if you had a parent who was very authoritarian and like you know you have to this is how it is And what I say goes and they didn't explain things. So there's nothing wrong with a parent being in charge. But sometimes it's OK to say this is why I'm doing it, you know, to really kind of give the kid honor and like explain it to them and and to know But but I'm boss, you know that I'm your parent, but this is why they then can learn that God is this dictator. And so then you have this picture of God as a dictator because your dad was a dictator, and so you don't really get this real connected, loving father because of the way your parents raised you.
Speaker 2:And so from this course of learning about inner healing, deliverance, and you know what the Bible says about mental health, i really started to learn the importance of of attachment, wounds and how the Lord really wants us. The whole goal is that we're connected to him, that we're connected to God and that we know Jesus is God, father, god, jesus, or, excuse me, god is Father, god is Son and God is Holy Spirit. And then we know every single part of that and we're in communion with him every day, all day, and it's this natural flow of being a child. It all comes back to you know, i'm a child of God. Like it's just simple. It's not this big, crazy, weird deal, it's simple, it's. It's the song that we sang when we were in Sunday school.
Speaker 1:I love that so much. I said we were closing back. I got one more question for you, but as you were talking, i was thinking about someone who we had talked about earlier wanting to better themselves. For someone who maybe this is the first time they've even ever listened to a therapist or even heard about therapy, what would you tell them if they don't even know where to start? One, if they don't know if they even need therapy, but two just some thoughts have started coming in their head about oh, maybe I need to work through something. How would you encourage them to find a therapist? and then what would their next step be?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, first of all, I would tell them to be empowered and encouraged that you get to choose. So there are therapists out there that that aren't really doing their own work, if that makes sense, like they're not doing their own therapy. So really find somebody that you trust and you like. Don't just call and say, oh, you take my insurance and go to somebody just because they take your insurance And then you're with somebody that you really don't connect with and you really don't feel very connected with. Find somebody who you like. Okay, that's one thing that I would say is that just to be really empowered, that if you meet with somebody and it's not a good fit, it's okay to stop going, but don't give up. The way to start is you could call your insurance company like, hey, who's in my network? That's one way if you want to use insurance. Or you can literally just Google Christian counselors in my area, family therapists in my area. You can just Google it and search. But the next piece of it is really making sure that you feel connected with them. I even will do like we'll do half an hour consults with people. It's not therapy, but it's our way to be able to say like, here's what I'm like. This is my style. These are some of the things that I do. What is it that you're looking for? And you can find out.
Speaker 2:If it's a fit, maybe talk to them on the phone and ask them some questions. I would ask them, like do you do your own therapy? Like, ask them questions. Don't be afraid to find out where they're at, because if their answer is well, why is that important to you? Because I'm taught these things. I'm taught these things to have it be about. It's about the client, it's not about me. But what I have learned through this is this is a relational interaction, and so if you don't feel like you trust me and you feel safe with me, this isn't going to go anywhere, because Jesus is relational. He wants us to know each other and to know him, and so that goes with this person that you're going to go tell all your secrets to. So I'm going to tell you ask them the questions, and if they get weird about it, then they're probably not for you. So, and you know, obviously, be honoring and be respectful. Don't start asking them questions that are personal or not.
Speaker 2:And then schedule the appointment and make it happen Like a lot of times people will like, oh, push it off, and then they don't have it. And then like make a commitment for at least like four to six months and go go regularly, because it takes time to start to feel safe, to start talking about things and make a commitment.
Speaker 1:I would say that is so true because in the moment when you have that emotional moment of, okay, i'm doing this, i'm ready, i'm committing, it's so easy, let's book it up, whatever. But then one 30 shows up and it's like I don't know that I want to.
Speaker 2:I don't want to walk through that door.
Speaker 1:It's time. So, yeah, make that commitment, but you owe it to yourself, and I agree with just everything you said. From my standpoint, i was blessed that the very first one I found was just amazing in my connection, just felt great And she prayed with us and just all our beliefs lined up from the beginning, and so I would encourage, if you're a believer as well, find Godly Christian counseling So important for you. But, thank you, heidi. How can people find you if they want to find out more about your podcast or find out about your book or any of that? How can they connect with you?
Speaker 2:Sure, yeah, so my website is actually just my name. It's Heidi Mortensencom. He I D I M O R T E N S O N dot com. And then my podcast is called Strong Tower Mental Health, so you can either find that through charisma or just you can just search it in Apple podcasts or Spotify, wherever you can find it. I'm also on YouTube and Instagram and TikTok. I started TikTok last summer, which has really been really fun, and then the book you can find on Amazon as well as my website, so it's called the Brave Encourager.
Speaker 1:Well, this has been so fun, heidi, and we will have to have you back. I love for our podcast. It's about hope mainly, but I love we talk about marriage, we talk about parenting, and so I see there's so much more that we could actually dive in with you, but for the second time we will bring you back in another time, but thank you for joining us And we definitely love to have you back.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me. It's been an honor.
Speaker 1:Well, thanks again And we will definitely connect soon. I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did, heidi, that was amazing. That was amazing. Thank you for sharing your heart. Again, go check out her book, check out her podcast. You can learn more from her website that she mentioned before Heidi Mortensen dot com. Again, if this is your first time here and this has been a blessing to you I pray that you will share this episode with a friend who's who's in need to hear this episode, hear this podcast, so please share that with them.
Speaker 1:Also, if you haven't got the book yet, when Words Don't Come Easy, i talk about how therapy helped my life and how it changed my life. So you can get that at AndyHowardcom and find out so much more about my journey with therapy. But all that more. At AndyHowardcom you can find out where I'm going to be speaking. I will read it for you on Audible. It's even available on Kindle. Thanks again for joining us. You guys Can't wait to see you again soon. God bless. Thanks so much for tuning in. If this episode helped you in any way, it would mean the world to me If you would leave a review and share it with somebody else. Thanks so much, i'll catch you next time.