What does it take to make a marriage thrive for 20 years? Join us as we discuss the power of fighting for your marriage, even when walking away seems like the easier option.
Tiffany and I delve into the significance of focusing on ourselves and our relationship with God, as well as the impact of modeling Christ in our marriages. We also share insights on the vital role of communication, extending grace and forgiveness, and putting your spouse first in your life.
This episode isn't just about our story – we want to inspire and uplift your own marriage. With a focus on love, spiritual growth, hope, and understanding each other's love languages, we pray our experiences can help strengthen your connection and provide support during the difficult times.
Plus, discover the ministry of re|engage, which has been instrumental in helping couples deepen their bonds and achieve successful marriages.
Follow on Instagram & Facebook: @AndyBHoward
Buy the book on Amazon: www.amazon.com/When-Words-Dont-Come-Easy/dp/1955362084
Listen to the first chapter: soundcloud.com/andy-howard-788712319
Learn more at AndyHoward.com!
What does it take to make a marriage thrive for 20 years? Join us as we discuss the power of fighting for your marriage, even when walking away seems like the easier option.
Tiffany and I delve into the significance of focusing on ourselves and our relationship with God, as well as the impact of modeling Christ in our marriages. We also share insights on the vital role of communication, extending grace and forgiveness, and putting your spouse first in your life.
This episode isn't just about our story – we want to inspire and uplift your own marriage. With a focus on love, spiritual growth, hope, and understanding each other's love languages, we pray our experiences can help strengthen your connection and provide support during the difficult times.
Plus, discover the ministry of re|engage, which has been instrumental in helping couples deepen their bonds and achieve successful marriages.
Follow on Instagram & Facebook: @AndyBHoward
Buy the book on Amazon: www.amazon.com/When-Words-Dont-Come-Easy/dp/1955362084
Listen to the first chapter: soundcloud.com/andy-howard-788712319
Learn more at AndyHoward.com!
What's up you guys? We are back for more. Yes, this week it is part two, the conclusion to our 20-year anniversary podcast, And so this one is much more on kind of the nuts and bolts of marriage, if you will some top takeaways and pointers and things that we've learned throughout the years that we hope will lift up your marriage and encourage you as well. So I hope you will stick around and enjoy the great Tiffany Howard and myself as we dive back in to the rest of our 20-year anniversary podcast. This is part two. It's all coming up right after this. Welcome back.
Speaker 1:This is actually part two of the 20-year anniversary edition. I guess is what I'm going to call it. But this is the When Words Don't Come Easy podcast. I'm Andy Howard and, as you can see, my wife, Tiffany Howard, is joining me. If you missed last week, you do need to go back and just there's a lot of great fun stories and just some memories, even how we met, and just some fun stories along the way. But you don't have to know that part to get something out of this episode. This episode is going to be more geared towards hope in marriage. It's going to be geared just some tips and some things that we've gone through that we hope will help you with your marriage or whatever you may be facing. Before we jump in Tiff, you got anything you want to say on this particular episode?
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm just excited to continue, excited to give hope. Marriage is hard. Let's start with that. Marriage is hard And I think so many times in the world that we live in, with Instagram and Facebook and you know all these people earning their livings on social media, so many times we present our best selves on social media.
Speaker 1:You call it the PR firm. Right, You put your good stuff out there.
Speaker 2:And so it makes so many times we can compare ourselves to what we're seeing on social media and it can make us think that our marriages are failing compared to everybody else. Everybody else is better And I will say, even Andy and I. We try to be very transparent on social media and offer real and hope, but it can even seem like, oh, they have such a great marriage, they never struggled where. That's why we want to have this podcast today to really talk about 20 years of marriage and what it's taken to get here. And it's like, man, if we could have jumped into marriage knowing what we know today, how much better those last 20 years would have been. But you really have to grow through it. You really do.
Speaker 1:And it's not exactly right. It's not easy but it's worth it. It's what I would encourage you with And it's not. You do need to know upfront it's not easy, but if you're committed to it. We made a vow that said richer or poorer, you know sickness and health, better or worse, all the things And I think sometimes we invite God to the wedding but we don't always invite Him to the marriage And I would encourage you to do that.
Speaker 1:If you're looking for fulfillment from your spouse, you're going to be disappointed. Just being honest, no matter how good I married I'm married so up and I'm so blessed but no matter how good your spouse is, if you're looking for hope in your spouse, they were not created to be your hope. They were created to be your teammate And we are a team. I tell people all the time, man, marriage, like all the great teams, you got to learn each other's strengths and weaknesses. I hear all the time like that marriage is 50, 50, like 50% here and 50 here, and I disagree with that. I think it's takes 100% on both sides just pulling because and you won't always be your strongest, but I think if everybody's given 100% when Tiff's having a bad moment, because that's going to happen. Life happens right And we I've been very transparent with my bad moments, when I'm at a 60 or 50% or 20%. 100% from the other helps, so takes 100% on both sides.
Speaker 1:But I wanted to show something to before we dive into this. I for those who follow me on Instagram or Facebook or social media I threw together a little real for the 20th anniversary And so, as I was digging for old pictures, i stumbled on something And I'm going to show you now, hopefully, if you're watching. So this was our wedding. What do you call this? Like a brochure thing?
Speaker 2:Sure, Your wedding. what program Program maybe, I don't know.
Speaker 1:But they open to walk in.
Speaker 2:You probably don't even they probably don't even give those anymore.
Speaker 1:It's like do you call them a program? Is that not right? That's not right. Well, anyways, what I wanted to show you, because I thought it was so cool And after all these years, i don't even know if you can see it if you're watching at home.
Speaker 1:But when words don't come easy, by Andy Howard, i wrote a song for you 20 years ago now, and it's wild how prophetic that song turned out to be. I had no ideal, honestly. I mean I was wanting to write. I'm a romantic guy, i wanted to write this, a romantic song, and I did mean the words. I wanted you to know that, no matter what good times, bad times, i will be there when words don't come easy. I had no ideal.
Speaker 1:What was right around the corner? that you would lose your sister a couple of months into our relationship when we first started dating. That then, after we got married, gosh within two. Well, no, i was about five years in. Can I do remember? Peyton was just about to be born. You lost your father to cancer And then, a couple of years after that, you would lose your mama. That I would lose my dad And then, 12 years later, i would lose my mom And then, of course Peyton with her diagnosis and everything that that did mentally for me. Just the walk. It's been a crazy journey. There's been so many ups, so many downs But you know I got it and faithful through all of it. But what kind of what do you want to share right now? Or what kind of hope do you want to give about the process and about everything we've kind of gone through?
Speaker 2:Well, i think that you know. First, i would like to open to saying, if you are have been through a divorce, we want you to know that we love you And this isn't by no means to make you feel that we're judging you as we talk about being committed to your spouse. You know Jesus is so full of grace and you know. And we also want to say, if you're in abusive marriage, you know we are not encouraging you to stay and we are encouraging you to seek help. So please hear that, because I think sometimes, as Christians and ministry, you can hear people say the importance of staying together and we are 100 percent for commitment, but not when you're in a place of potential physical harm. So please hear that We encourage you to seek help from Christian counselors and therapists and things, and we are not those people, but for the rest of you, we just want to offer hope. I think that you know we said it at the beginning, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer people. We say that at the altar, everybody does. But you know it's easy to say. It's a whole lot harder to live out And I think one of the things that Andy and I committed to from the beginning and just thankful we are modeled.
Speaker 2:We had great role, models of marriage. Our parents were committed to one another And they exemplified a Christian marriage and that makes such a difference. And I do want to say just to know that what we are living out. We fight every day for our marriage, for ourselves, but also for our children, because we know that they are going to do what we do And I want them to marry a man as good as Andy, And so we fought for our marriage, for what we are literally leaving the next generation and the generation after that. And we live in a world where marriage is so easily thrown away as much as you throw away a spouse And we have a generation of people that won't marry anymore because they were modeled bad marriages. And I'm determined in our legacy that we are changing that. And Andy and I made that decision. You know before we got married that we would make that vow and we would mean it forever.
Speaker 2:And I will say that through 20 years there have been times where I will not lie. It would have been so much easier to walk away, so much easier, and I think that I have to always remind myself, and sometimes in the heat of the moments when it's hard and we'll share some of that with you it's harder to walk that out in those moments. It's easier to stay in the good times. But I have to remind myself that marriage is to be a representation of Christ and his bride, christ, in the church.
Speaker 2:And when I think about how many times I have felt the Lord and how many times I've sinned and how many times he should have left me, like how many times I've sinned and asked for forgiveness and then went and done it again and broke his heart over and over and over and over, yet he's never left me And that is what the depiction of marriage is supposed to be of Christ in his church. And so when Andy and I disagree or we've had really hard times, i have to think like Jesus won't leave me, i can't leave him and I have to fight. And I know it's very easy at marriage to blame your spouse. There's many a times that I would just super transparent love And I'm like God if you just fix Andy, if you just fix Andy. And reality is Lord saying.
Speaker 1:You're still trying to fix me.
Speaker 2:No, he started to fix me.
Speaker 1:But no, you're exactly right. If we focus on ourself and what we can control in our relationship with God, you can't help but bleed. It bleeds over. It really does. And the closer you are to God, the closer you are at modeling that it inspires the other.
Speaker 1:So, like for so many people who may say, well, i want my husband to do this, like I wish you were. Maybe he doesn't like to go to church or maybe he just doesn't have a relationship with God. They're kind of that you want him to. Well, you could either nag on him and beat him over the head about that. You need to go to church and you need, or you can just level up your faith, and I'm not saying you don't Some people. So please hear, our hearts are, our hearts are with you. So it's not that we're doing this from a judgmental standpoint, but just from what's worked for us throughout the years is, when I see Tiff go out your garden more through prayer, through her prayer life, through her Bible study time, it inspires me to do more. And that's the same through everything, if you're even in your health, and all the things.
Speaker 1:You could either just try to nag and say all the things you want them to do, or usually, i would say usually, as you level up, the other person follows, they do.
Speaker 1:They see what they see what you do. And then as far as the kids sorry, as far as the kids last thing, real quick, you were talking about them, but I think so much more is caught than taught, and I've heard that said so many times before too. So you can teach them all the right things with your mouth but not lead them with your actions, and so they are watching you like little sponges. So when you say stuff like you want your, your daughter's, to have a godly husband, that makes me want to live. The role is so much more important Looking, i don't know, 20, 30 years from now, let's say a long time from now, because I don't want, i don't want them. I want them to have high, high standards in what they want in their husband, how they want to be treated, how they want to be loved, how they want to be respected, all the things. So it is so much more caught than taught So you can't speak it.
Speaker 2:Well, i look at Andy and think you know you are so much like my dad. My dad was like my hero and he was my best friend And I saw so many qualities in you that I saw in my dad. And so you know, in the same, like when our sons are looking for wives, they're going to model that after what they see in you women and in vice versa. And I think that you know, in marriage it has been we have had so many hearts I mean so many, not only hearts with loss and, you know, being broke. We've had so many fights over money. We know money is one of the number one fights in marriage And we've got so many fights over that and just blaming each other and so much of it done out of pain and communication I say we'll say is the number one thing I think in marriage communication and tone. And I know he's going to talk on that.
Speaker 2:But I think that one of the things and I pray this every morning, I mean even this morning I was going to orange theory I have it actually on my girl's mirror in their bathroom, in their mirror in their bedroom And I pray it to myself every morning Lord, let me have the fruits of the spirit, help, every interaction with my spouse, with my children, with the people I encounter Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control.
Speaker 2:If we will have those things in our marriage, even when our spouse isn't doing those back tests because Andy and I there are times I know I'm not gentle with him but he is gentle back to me and he can diffuse the situation so fast because I am very much a fighter and very much a like I will let it level up quickly. But with his gentle words and with his love he can squash any of that. And so I always pray like Lord, let me have those things. You know, even if you have a spouse who's not serving Jesus, we are to be Jesus to the world, including our unsafe spouse. It's hard. It's why Jesus encourages us to be equally yoked from the beginning. But sometimes, when we're not, god is still such a God of restoration that he can change your spouse through your actions.
Speaker 1:You're exactly right And you're being too kind to me, and I think you really are. I'm not always perfect, obviously, but I do my best. But you're exactly right on communication. I think it's massive communication and for us, fellas I'm speaking for the dudes here to all you ladies, this is free, so you're going to love this, right? Just, we are very simple and we, but we need help, like we need to know what you're thinking, we need to know what you need. And so many times we just expect our spouse and sometimes I'm not letting you off the hook either, fellas Sometimes you have to work for it. You need to work and try to figure out. Do your part as well.
Speaker 1:But I think the communication thing is that we just expect our spouse to know that I'm having a bad day, or that this happened or that happened, and it might not even be their fault. But then, because you come in stressed, already, irritated, then the dude starts thinking oh, my goodness, what did I do today? And so you're like oh, what I might have been this. Did I say that? Did I forget the trash? Did I trash? No, you start going through all these things and then you've already created all these stories before it even happens, and it does. It escalates quickly when it may not have had anything to do with them, could have been. You know what? My boss was a jerk today, or this happened today, or I'm just not feeling well today, or whatever it is. So communication is so huge, if you would. And here's another one how you communicate is huge.
Speaker 2:So Tony Andy always says to me tone, tone tone.
Speaker 1:Tone is important. It is. You can be right. No, you can be wrong at the top of your lungs, right, is that right? You can be right, but wrong at the top of your lungs, something like that. There's a saying out there I've probably just butchered it but you can be right. Like, say, tiff is right about whatever it is, but if she says it in a very harsh way, that then makes her wrong, right, right.
Speaker 1:Tone matters Tone matters, yeah, tone matters, and so communication matters. And if you look at at the book and I always want to plug the book because I do believe I put my blood, sweat and tears into it so that it could help people and bring hope But the very last chapter is kind of the title chapter of the book, when words don't come easy and we talk about the need to be right And I think that is a huge one in in marriages and pretty much everything you face any kind of communication with anyone, any teammate, any future partner, a business partner, whatever the need to be right, because for some reason we hold on to this need to be right, which means we're not even willing to let it go that I have to be right about it. Is it really worth it? So you have to choose, pick and choose. Is it worth it?
Speaker 2:It's not easy. No 20 years in. I mean even yesterday I didn't even tell you this.
Speaker 1:But in the car. What do I?
Speaker 2:do. I don't remember. It wasn't anything you did. He said something and I don't even remember We were. It was a great conversation. We were just talking. I don't even know what it was about.
Speaker 1:Then you got me in my head.
Speaker 2:No, I don't. it wasn't. that's obviously wasn't a big deal, because I don't remember, But in my mind I was like, oh, that is it right. Like I wanted to come back and say, but in my, literally, I had to talk myself off the ledge because I'm like is this worth it? I don't have to be right. Like I desire peace and love and joy, all those things over being right, Even though in the moment. I wanted to be right because I think we all, it's human to make.
Speaker 1:That's true, yeah, it's. You all want that, we want that, i want that all the time, i want to be right.
Speaker 2:I want to be right, but it's knowing what hill is worth dying on And most of the hills that we die on are not worth dying on And it's just having grace with one another. You know my friend Megan some of you that are do what we do for a living No, megan Valentine and she had shared a Instagram kind of some slides with me. It was actually about forgiveness, but it would. It works in forgiveness and grace And it says, when you don't extend forgiveness or grace, you don't understand the forgiveness and grace that was extended to you by.
Speaker 2:Christ, and I think that in marriage, that's one of the biggest things is you're going to have to extend grace and forgive over and over and over and over again. Your spouse will never be Jesus. They will never be perfect. We're always striving, jesus tells us, be perfect because I am beholdy, because I am. But we're always going to be striving. But I think that it's having grace and putting each other first. That's one thing I'd really like to talk about for a minute, because I think that the longer you're married, you know, when you get married at first, before you have kids, it's easy to put each other first. That's all you got Like. It's not hard, but, especially for you, every mom is out there. Once you have children, because they are flesh and blood and we hold such a high responsibility in raising them, it's very easy for us as women to put our children first. And I will say that in the last you know, probably really 10 years of marriage once the twins are born, because for Peyton it was us against the world with Peyton.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and she didn't have the same needs or desires. No, she had a lot of needs, physical needs that we had to physical, but she didn't have like the same needs the twins have. Like the twins crave relationship And you know, peyton, she loves us and she loves our relationship and the love and all that stuff, but she, for the most part, doesn't do a lot. She doesn't have, yeah, need those things. Like the twins need our time, they need the investment and constant. You know stuff, because take me here, take me there, but I did want to throw out a book. So if you don't have this, it's called Love and Respect And it's Dr Emerson and I'm probably going to butcher the last name. I might just spell it It's E-G-G-E-R-I-C-H-S. I guess Egrets, maybe Egrets, but it's such a good book.
Speaker 1:I remember reading that some 10, 15 years ago maybe, maybe not that long, but it's been a while and it talks about men. We need respect. That's how we feel. Loved by being respected. It's just that Dang right, men. You will see, it's a sign of respect, like, if a dude I saw someone talk about this on Instagram earlier some kind of short video reel, when a dude sees another dude and if he knows him, he will give him the head nod, what's up. It's just a sign of respect. And if he doesn't know them yet, he kind of nods his head but it's nodded down into the uh, it's not a down, it's still a sign of respect. And so men are we work off respect, and so, while women need love And so, and how do they feel loved? And it goes throughout. This book is so good, it goes throughout all that.
Speaker 2:So you know and, in the center, given tips. I will say a couple of podcasts that I love, that I listen to all the time. A focus on the family actually is one of my favorite podcasts. They have a marriage and a parenting podcast, and I love it because they are like less than 10 minutes a day and they just give such great tips. And then also lovers, one called famous at home Oh, it's a great podcast. And then the naked marriage It's a wonderful podcast too.
Speaker 2:Um, i love it, and I think that with marriage, one of the biggest things is one putting your spouse first, and that's not easy to do. But, guys, you are children, moms like I have to remind myself. My job is to raise them, uh, to be good humans And, more than anything, my main objective is that they love Jesus and go to him for everything. But I have 18 years with them And then my job is to release them. You know, to do what God has called them to do, but you're going to be with your spouse forever, and we see so many people get divorced. Um, when their children leave the nest because they don't even know who their spouse is anymore, it's almost like starting over If you lose that relationship.
Speaker 1:So you have to keep that. And so a couple more tips. One we try to almost always have a date night weekly. We try to date our spouse. I know it sounds wild. Talk about it in the book as well. It's about that pursuit. If you quit pursuing your spouse, your spouse will find the pursuit somewhere else. I'm not saying that that means they're going to go cheat on it. No, it's just a natural feel of that void, like somebody will come along and say, oh, you look nice today, and then that's playing in there. Oh, wow, someone noticed that I look nice today. Oh, so cool. It's that pursuit, so, and you don't want to get to the end of it. And it doesn't have to be 18 years. I'm not one of those dads Oh, you're 18. You're out of here.
Speaker 2:I wanted to be with me forever. We have one that may be here until she's 96.
Speaker 1:And that's totally fine. That's totally fine, Anyways. But say you get to the end of that, right? Do you have to reintroduce yourself? And by then it is very hard. So just constantly date your spouse. And the other thing I wanted to say and let you jump in, Yes, cause I lost it.
Speaker 2:Well, for dating your spouse, I do want to encourage you to, because it's very easy for us to have excuses in that one We don't have the money. We hear that a lot. We used to be that way And I can say that you can find ways to do it that don't cost. There are a hundred things you can.
Speaker 1:You can watch a TV show together, and I'm not saying that's a cop out, like don't just not talk or communicate, but find something you both love to do Go on a walk after dinner, that's free.
Speaker 2:There's books, i don't know. I don't think you can get better with the date ideas.
Speaker 1:Go on Starbucks and just grab a $2 coffee.
Speaker 1:You don't have to be a $30 day or a $100 day Or anything like that, just making an effort. Here's what the cool thing is fellas I talked about for the ladies earlier. This is a tip for you guys, for how many male listeners I have out there? Women just love effort. They love the effort. They don't always care about the execution of the effort. They see you trying. They're going to meet you halfway or even say, okay, honey, let me help you on this date because you're sucking at it. So they just like the effort and that means a lot.
Speaker 1:The other thing that I was thinking that I forgot, and I'll come right back to you if I'm not trying to hog this, but I just want you to know. it's so important for dudes when I was talking about respect Don't ever talk bad about your spouse, one guy or girl. I'm just saying don't talk bad about your spouse, especially publicly. For us dudes, you will I don't want to say kill the relationship. That may be too far, but it hurts. It causes so much damage. It's so much damage, even if you're just with your girlfriends, like this is this girl. Let me tell you about what my husband did. That's my funny girl voice. That's her bad news.
Speaker 2:Texas woods talk Let me tell you what he done.
Speaker 1:Maybe not, but sometimes there are ladies who feel comfortable putting their, just because of what we did in marriage ministry for years.
Speaker 1:We we heard it. They feel comfortable with their girlfriends saying all the. And I know that's what I'm saying. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that They feel comfortable with their girlfriends saying all the and I know that you should have a trusted Friend that you can vent. I'm not saying you can never vent, but you have to know who you can trust Cuz it does cause damage. So if you likewise the same tone, If you're at a group dinner with a bunch of people and you say my husband Mostly yard better I mean our yard looks better than any home on the street, or something like I don't know what he does, That wins a good one, but well.
Speaker 1:I don't do the home, our yard, i'm just saying but if someone there are a lot of men who do yards I'm just saying, whatever it is that he does, that just He'll just walk around like a peacock you know, strutting around for a week because, oh, my wife was proud of me, so just it goes a long ways.
Speaker 2:It does absolutely. And and I was gonna say that too don't speak ill of your spouse and just remember your friends and your family. They don't have the grace and the love for your spouse the way you do and they will always see them through those eyes and those glasses. So I definitely encourage that and and you can find listen, we're all about Christian therapy and counseling. We got counselors, we. We have marriage, marriage life coaches that help us. So we're all for that.
Speaker 2:But I did want to say to you know about time really quick, even back to dates or anything Spending time with your spouse every day for five minutes. You know, it doesn't even have to be long, like if any not get to sit down. Normally we'll have dinner, family dinners, and then we kick our kids out and we just sat there for 15, 20 minutes and talk and that is some of my favorite time of the day. It's a way we can connect without spending money. But that is so important because it's easy when you're busy to be two ships passing in the night and you're never really Communicating but you're just kind of co-parenting and so encourage you in that and and we can say well, our kids have games And they have sports and I don't time for a day and I don't have time for whatever. But it's kind of like people say show me your checkbook and I will know, you know, i'll know what you care about. It's the same with your time show me where you spend your time And I'll know where you care about, and we know. Whatever we find value in we will make a priority And if it's our marriage, then we will find time for one another.
Speaker 2:And I did want to share too about love languages. I think this is huge in marriage. So there's a book called the five love languages. A lot of people know about it, but it really talks about how we each feel loved in different ways and early on in marriage And you know, took the love language test to find out what our love languages were.
Speaker 1:And it's so important to know that because generally The whatever your love languages is what you give to somebody all back to the Communications thing you're talking about, because you may be trying to tell them you love them with all your heart, but yeah, if you're not reaching what she's about to tell you, they don't fill the love, so carry on, yeah so it's kind of like I will say so my love language is the acts of service And it's like number one.
Speaker 2:Like some people are like kind of high in a lot of them. I like nothing matters to me like acts of service. And so early on and remember, andy's are romantic And that's not my love language. So like if he would buy me a gift, like it's nice, don't get me wrong, but it's not how I see, it's not how I'm shown love. But if Andy'll wash the dishes or I'll go get my car gasped up or detailed the car or he'll do anything like that, i feel so loved because as a mom I get stressed because I have so much to accomplish, and I feel so loved when he will do those things, whereas Andy loves you, i mean.
Speaker 1:I think I'm pretty much you can do all five. Love languages, not, yeah, physical touch do we say that? one words of information.
Speaker 2:Makes it easy on me, though, because I just gotta do like I do if she hit 80% of them work.
Speaker 2:We're good. But knowing your spouse's love language is so huge and actually I would say you know I've got time to go into this, but I actually love to know my friends love languages and the people that I work with, because I want to make them feel loved and valued through their love language. So that's huge. And Oh, the last thing I want to share as we go. I know you're gonna close out, but I want to encourage. There's a ministry That's all over the United States.
Speaker 2:I was gonna close that so carry on, you can do it Something that we actually led at our church when, early when our twins are when baby carriers We went to it's called re-engage, a marriage ministry. We went with some friends of ours that wanted to work on their marriage and we said, hey, we'll go with you to support you, having no idea the value We would get out of it in fact, such value that we ended up leading at our church for two years. But it's all over the United States and it's not just. Most people think if we say this, it's for bad marriages.
Speaker 1:This is All the time in the commercial, whether your marriage is a one or a nine, like on a scale one to ten or whatever Like, whether you have the. If you are in need of help, they can help you for sure. Or if you just want a better marriage And ours. We just thought we were going to support some other friends of ours at the time But we didn't have any idea. We're, we're good, but it kind of you hear the term like fill a's you wide open. You hear that a lot This will fill a like your marriage wide open, all the things that you need help with.
Speaker 2:So many times we don't know what we don't know, and so sometimes we don't know what we're missing in marriage and a lot of times good is good But the enemy of great is good, and I don't want a good marriage on a great marriage And re-engage. We've actually attended it probably four times. That's how much we love it And I will tell you, even if you, it's not at the church you're a part of, re-engage is free And you do not have to attend the church that you go to for the marriage mystery. You can find it. You know the website.
Speaker 1:Yes, i do. I was gonna say so, go to re engage, re Engageorg, reengageorg. So that's the main one which is in the watermark in Dallas. But if you look on re engageorg, check it out. There You can put in your zip code, no matter where you're at in the US, chances are somebody. So this church is so cool, they for free, and all you have to do it.
Speaker 1:Most of these churches is attend their conference and learn how to do it right, because they want to make sure you're doing it from a Biblical standpoint. And then they pay for the, the books, which are like ten bucks a piece and they will let anybody do that. So they've been, because they're. Their main goal is helping marriages. There's been a lot of churches was like, oh, this is ours, this is ours, we're not gonna share. But they were like, yes, yes, let's share. So this ministry is helping so many people, and not only in the US but all around the world. It's so cool that there are places outside of the US even doing this. So go to re engage or put in your zip and it can help you.
Speaker 2:And just note too, if you are someone who says, oh, my spouse won't go We used to hear all the time women who, would you know, tell us they wanted to go with their spouse wouldn't go I do want you to know that the first half of the ministry you actually can go alone. There does become a point down the road that to get in a closed group your spouse has to be there. But I will tell you I can't. I mean, so many women would come to reengage for that first hour and listen to the testimonies and hear the worship And they would do that over and over and over again. And I can't tell you how many times we watch God show up and their spouses join them and it I mean it completely changed their marriage. So your faithfulness to say, hey, even if you won't go, i will go, because I know for some men they think it's weird, i get it, but once they go they'll love it. But you being faithful, hopefully, will encourage them to join you, so don't wait on them.
Speaker 1:Something special about hearing testimonies, because there are going to be some testimonies that were in dire need of help And then there are going to be some that were like oh, we had a pretty good marriage, but we just needed to fine tune some stuff. So, no matter where you're at, you're going to find someone who you can relate to and you're going to learn from this. So any any closing thoughts as we get wrapped this one up.
Speaker 2:Just have grace for one another. This is hard, Mary. it won't get easy. I'm going to just tell you that it will never get easy.
Speaker 1:It will get. Does That's a red flag? Yeah, i'm serious, like when you quit investing in your marriage and you quit working hard, that that means you need a reengager, you need to talk to somebody because you need. Marriage is hard. It does take work. It's not if it's easy There is something wrong. And I don't mean that means you have, you don't have, a good relationship, but it means you're probably taking it too easy if you feel like it's easy.
Speaker 2:And I would say in closing that you know we believe with every fiber of our being that the enemy is here in this day and age to attack the family, to start with marriages, and in turn attack our children. So every morning I spend time literally praying over our marriage and our family, because I know that the enemy is coming to still kill and destroy. And if he can destroy families and he's done it I mean, if we look in our world, he has done it and we see the state of our children today in this culture And we can really directly route it back to so many marriages being destroyed. And so the enemy knows. So many times we say, oh, if I get divorced, so we better for my kids. That is incredibly rare. I only believe that happens when there's physical abuse or you know very strong things.
Speaker 2:So many children are destroyed through divorce And please hear me If you've already been there, we are not here to judge you, we're not telling you to fix it. God is such a God of restoration and love and he can change our wrongs. He's done it for me so many times. But we need to know that we are not wrestling against flesh and blood but against the principalities of darkness. The enemy is here to destroy our marriages and we can let it happen because we allow really dumb things sometimes, like us wanting to be right or us not putting each other first or us not communicating. We can allow the enemy to win or we can know who we're fighting against and say that we are committed to one another for the rest of our lives.
Speaker 1:It's good, and so, with that said, we're going to wrap this one up. I thank you so much for joining us. I please know everything was said would love to help and to bring hope. That's what this podcast is about to bring hope in every area we can, and marriage is one of those big staples for Tiff and I, and for even for the book. So this, when words don't come easy, podcasts will always be about hope and from time to time, you will hear from somebody on marriage, because it is that important to us. So we love you guys. Thanks for tuning in And, as always, we will see you next time. God bless, wow, all right, we are done. We are done with the two part 20th anniversary podcast. I hope you had as much fun with that as we did. Tiff is such an amazing, amazing partner and just wife. I just love her so much and always glad to see you, glad to do life with her and to do podcast with her anytime she can jump on. So my prayer is that we'll be uplifting for your marriage and that there is something that you can take and apply to your marriage today, wherever you're at on your journey. That's what this podcast is all about bringing hope. So again, thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:If you haven't got the book yet it's a book of hope for you When words don't come easy you can get it at AndyHowardcom. It's available also on Amazon, audible and Kindle. And please leave a five star review. It helps get the book into more hands and more people seeing it, and that's what my prayer is that more people will get a hold of this book. So thanks again for taking the time to listen. We appreciate you so much. God bless everybody. Thanks so much for tuning in. If this episode helped you in any way, it would mean the world to me If you would leave a review and share it with somebody else. Thanks so much. I'll catch you next time.